I’ve never had a dog of my own.

Penny is a family dog, and because I’ve never actually had a dog before, I’ve learned there’s a pretty big difference between liking dogs and having one become part of your everyday life.

I knew what dogs were. Obviously.

I knew they needed food, walks, toys, attention, and all the other things that come with having a dog around. I knew they shed. I knew Labrador Retrievers were energetic and very interested in food.

What I didn’t really know was what it would be like to actually have one around all the time.

And apparently, there are a lot of things nobody thinks to mention.

Everything Somehow Becomes About the Dog

I didn’t realize how much we’d talk about Penny.

But we do.

A lot.

If Penny does something weird, someone is going to mention it.

If she’s sitting somewhere unusual, someone notices.

If she’s barking at someone or something, we’re probably going to wonder what she’s barking at.

And a surprising amount of our daily conversations somehow revolve around how much of a brat Penny is.

Not in a serious way.

Just in a Penny, why are you like this? kind of way.

It becomes a constant stream of:

“Did you see what Penny just did?”

“Look at Penny.”

“WTF, PEN?!??”

“Penny, what are you doing?”

“Penny! Stop!!!!”

“Penny!!!!!”

That last one gets used a lot.

And then there are the nicknames.

I didn’t even realize I’d started doing this until I caught myself calling her something other than Penny.

Penny became Pen Pen.

Then somehow we got to Penelo-Pen Pen.

Her full name is Penelope, so I guess that one makes sense if you squint at it.

The funny part is that everyone else started using the nicknames too.

So now we have an entire collection of names for one Labrador Retriever, and she somehow knows we’re talking about her regardless of which one we use.

I also didn’t expect to get so familiar with her little habits.

After you’ve been around the same dog long enough, you start picking up on things without really trying. You know which look means she’s waiting for food. You can usually tell when she’s about to get into something. You learn what her different barks mean, or at least you think you do.

Basically, Penny has slowly trained us to understand her.

Labradors Are… A Lot

I knew Labradors were energetic.

I just didn’t realize how much of that energy would be directed directly at me.

Penny has absolutely no concept of personal space.

She body-slams me. 💥

She sniffs my butt. 🍑

She sniffs my crotch. 😵‍💫

A lot.

She licks my arms.

She licks my legs.

And if I’m wearing a skirt, she’ll sometimes wipe her wet nose all over it.

I apparently exist for her sensory exploration. 😵

And honestly, the body-slamming is probably the least weird part.

There are times when she’ll come barreling toward me and I already know what’s about to happen. There’s no graceful little greeting. It’s more like, Oh, hi! LET ME THROW MY ENTIRE BODY AT YOU. 🪦

I knew dogs could be affectionate.

I just wasn’t prepared for affection to involve this much physical contact.

Apparently, when you become part of Penny’s inner circle, you also become a chew toy, a tissue, a scratching post, and an unwilling participant in whatever she has decided is happening.

And then there’s the food obsession.

Someone opens a package?

Penny is there.

Someone starts eating?

Penny is nearby.

Someone even looks like they might have food?

Suddenly she’s very interested in what we’re doing.

It’s impressive, really.

The Fur Situation

I also knew Labradors shed.

What I didn’t know was that “Labradors shed” is apparently shorthand for there is Labrador fur everywhere, forever.

You clean something.

There is fur again.

You vacuum.

More fur.

You look at a completely random surface and somehow there’s Penny fur on it.

I don’t even know how she manages it.

At this point, I’m convinced the hair just materializes.

Penny, meanwhile, remains completely unbothered.

Of course she does.

She’s not the one cleaning it up.

She’s Everywhere

This is probably the part that’s hardest to explain.

Penny is a family dog, but she’s become part of the background of everyday life in a way I didn’t expect.

She’s there when we’re hanging out.

She’s wandering around while we’re doing things.

She’s sleeping somewhere nearby.

She’s investigating whatever someone is doing.

She’s getting in the way.

She’s looking for food.

She’s being a brat.

Normal household stuff.

There wasn’t some specific moment where she suddenly became part of the family routine. It just happened.

At some point, “There’s a dog in the house” stopped being a thought.

It’s just:

“Penny’s here.”

And when she’s not around, you notice.

The house feels a little different.

You realize how accustomed you’ve gotten to the sound of her walking around, her barking, her doing something she probably shouldn’t be doing, or someone yelling her name from another room.

That’s probably the weirdest part of all.

I never expected a dog to become such a normal part of my day without me actually having one myself.

I Didn’t Expect to Get This Attached

I also didn’t expect to get attached to her.

She’s not my dog. I don’t have the same responsibilities that come with actually owning a dog, which is probably why this arrangement works so well for me.

But she’s still part of the family.

She’s been around since she was about four months old, so we’ve gotten to watch her grow from a puppy into the little menace she is now.

And somewhere along the way, I started caring about what she was doing.

I take pictures of her.

I tell people about things she does.

I know which ridiculous nickname I’m probably going to call her that day.

I complain about her being a brat and then immediately go see what she’s doing.

So I guess I’ve officially become one of those people.

You know the type.

The people who have a story about their dog for absolutely everything.

“Look what Penny did.”

“Penny was being ridiculous earlier.”

“Guess what Penny did today.”

Yeah.

That’s me now.

So, This Is Apparently My Life With Penny

I started out having never had a dog before.

I have also accepted that getting too close to Penny means risking a body slam, a face full of Labrador breath, a random lick, or a wet nose rubbed directly onto my clothes.

And somehow, I don’t mind nearly as much as I thought I would.

Penny is a little chaotic — ok a lot!

She’s loud when she wants to be.

She’s obsessed with food.

She has absolutely no respect for personal space.

She’s also become a pretty big part of everyday life.

But apparently that’s what happens when a Labrador Retriever named Penelope decides you’re one of her people.

You just kind of accept that you’re living with Pen Pen now. 🐾

📸 Main photo by my fated mate.